Tuesday, 26 November 2013

What they said and what they should've said!!



What They Said (WTS):
Give people more than they expect, and do it cheerfully.

What They Should’ve Said (WTSS):
Give people more than you have, and do it cheerfully, only if you want to end up broke, otherwise just shut your mouth be selfish!

 

WTS: Marry a man/ woman who love to talk to. As you get older, their conversation skills will be as important as any other.

WTSS: Marry a man/woman who loves to talk. Whenever you have an arguement he/she will leave no chance to make you feel guilty as hell.

 

WTS: Don’t - Believe all you hear,
- Spend all you have,
- Sleep all you want.

WTSS: Do - Listen to all you hear; what are ears for?
- Spend all you have and can also take a loan
- Sleep all you want, even in office; you’ll be fired in the worst case, sleeping is more important

 

WTS: When you say “I LOVE YOU”, mean it.

WTSS: When you say “I LOVE YOU”, mean it and when the person slams you, look at the mirror and laugh at yourself. Repeat the same until you run out of shame.

 

WTS: When you say, “I AM SORRY”, look the person in the eye

WTSS: When you say, “I AM SORRY”, look the person in the both of their eyes (not one, it would be wierd) and burst into laughter.

 

WTS: Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much

WTSS: Never laugh at anyone’s dreams, instead be sarcastic and rude.

 

WTS: Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely

WTSS: Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to screw yourself real bad!

 

WTS: In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

WTSS: In disagreements, fight fairly. Punch the person with both your fists not one.

 

WTS: Don’t judge people by their relatives.

WTSS: Don’t judge people by their relatives. Judge them by their jokes.

 

WTS: Talk slowly but think quickly.

WTSS: Talk slowly and piss the person off; thinking should have nothing to do here.

 

WTS: When someone ask you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

WTSS: When someone ask you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Who the heck are you to ask me that?”

 

WTS: Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

WTSS: Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk of getting screwed up, so never do any of those.

 

WTS: Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

WTSS: Say “screw you” when you hear someone sneeze, you can also try "may your nose burst the next time you sneeze".

 

WTS: When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

WTSS: When you lose, don’t lose the lesson you learnt in Karate classes.

 

WTS: Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

WTSS: Remember the three L’s: Laugh at self; Laugh at others; and laugh at your responsibility for all your actions.

 

WTS: Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

WTSS: Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship, scheme out a big mishap.

 

WTS: When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

WTSS: When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to hide it, or better blame it on others.

 

WTS: Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

WTSS: Don't smile when picking up the phone. The caller doesn't give a damn; they surely are no Sherlock Holmes

 

WTS: Spend some time alone to think what you can give to this world.

WTSS: Spend some time alone to think how you can screw the whole world.
 

Sunday, 24 November 2013

Sachin, Bharat Ratna and hullabaloo


So emotional was Sachin Tendulkar’s farewell speech that even the ruling government got way too carried away and instantly announced him the first sportsperson ‘Bharat Ratna’.

Can’t blame them, our rulers are so dedicated towards its public that they tend to give in to public’s demand, not caring a bit about the so-called predefined ‘rules’ and history! 

                                                                         


Meanwhile, Rakesh Omprakash Mehra was overheard saying he would’ve made Bhaag Milkha Bhaag (biographical movie on legendary Indian sprinter Milkha Singh) an emotional movie instead of an inspirational treat, had he known about Manmohan Singh’s ‘senti’ heart!

Well, you have another chance with one of the greatest hockey player Dhyan Chand, sir! All the best for that. I’m expecting another Bharat Ratna sportsperson!! ;)

Nonetheless, Congress have reportedly celebrated Vishwanath Anand’s loss at World Chess Championship to Norwegian Magnus Carlsen. They were, apparently, afraid that Anand would demand the highest civilian award for being the chess champion since 2007 – honestly, he would’ve deserved it! :P

I wonder our large-hearted government (ofcourse I’m kidding) would call up Carlsen to award him with Bharat Ratna – anything can happen in our wonderful country!!

I’m a Hyderabadi and my mother tongue is Hindi

   This title may not be a big eye-grabber for any hardcore Hyderabadi, but the same could be a big brow-raiser for some pseudo ones, who tend to add Nizam-Bhagyanagar to other language-centric districts!

   One thing to all you schmucks questioning my about my Hindi-speaking tongue and my authenticity of being Hyderabadi – I’ve been here before you have even set-up your feet in the city!

   Just because it is a district of Andhra Pradesh (Oh, yes, it’s still Andhra Pradesh!), doesn’t imply it is an ‘only’ Telugu-region. Anyone, who accepts the city as their own, has every right to call himself/herself a Hyderabadi and no one has any right to question about their credibility!!

   We, Hyderabadis open up our arms and welcome anyone from any region, of any religion to be a part of the city and that doesn’t mean you come up here and point fingers at our people asking how their mother-tongue could not be Telugu being a part of “Telugu state”!

   You can speak any language and still be a Hyderabadi!

   If I have not made it clear enough,

   Hyderabad is an epitome of our secular country; the city contains people of all regions, religions and languages, and so, you buggers do away with the entire hullabaloo about the ownership of the city.

   Hyderabad has always been and will be of Hyderabadis!